Cup of Suffering


Revelation 18: 4-10


“I heard another voice from heaven, saying, “Come out of her, my people, so that you will not participate in her sins and receive of her plagues; for her sins have piled up as high as heaven, and God has remembered her iniquities. Pay her back even as she has paid and give back to her double according to her deeds; in the cup which she has mixed, mix twice as much for her. To the degree that she glorified herself and lived sensuously, to the same degree give her torment and mourning;

for she says in her heart, ‘I sit as a queen and I am not a widow, and will never see mourning.’ For this reason in one day her plagues will come, pestilence and mourning and famine, and she will be burned up with fire; for the Lord God who judges her is strong. Lament for Babylon “And the kings of the earth, who committed acts of immorality and lived sensuously with her, will weep and lament over her when they see the smoke of her burning, 10 standing at a distance because of the fear of her torment, saying, Woe, woe, the great city, Babylon, the strong city


Cup of Suffering

Jesus handed me a cup of suffering years ago when I sat in the upper room of my mind with him. The chalice is gold, but will my suffering ever end? The storyline in Revelation scripture fits with my life. Everyone has fled from me over the years, and particularly in recent years as the knot of blood vessels discovered after a neurologic illness in 1999 unravels in my head.

Jesus calls the knot in my brain Babble and has promised me that he will unravel the knot. He is extending my “tent” to the east and the west, restoring my temple to its full potential in the Promised Land.

As this unraveling progresses,

I have been spinning in circles from what feels like Heaven to Hell having my sins, and earthly attachments stripped away. And when I am being ministered to by angels after my trip to hell, Heavenly wisdom falls on me like a torrential downpour, leaving me dripping wet like a drowned rat. Cleansed and consumed trying to pull all the information together to make sense of Divine revelation not yet unearthed.

What’s more, it turns out that all women are covered in sin.

Women who did not understand that they were committing adultery having slept with more than one man. Jesus tells us in John 8 about the woman who was accused of committing adultery and offers any accusers who have not sinned to throw the first stone at her. They all walk away having sinned.

Jesus bends down twice to write with his finger on the ground this the same story. How does Jesus write on the ground with his finger? With human form. God takes on human form to write his lessons to us. Through me, and you, and all who open themselves to being useful for the expansion of God’s Kingdom.

God wrote the same thing in the sand twice; Mary, a grain of sand, was falsely accused of having sex before marriage because she was pregnant, never having been with a man. And now again, a similar story is repeating. Take note that when all the accusers had left, Jesus is standing, and the woman is standing before him: One man and one woman standing erect together.


John 8: 1-11

but Jesus went to the Mount of Olives. Early in the morning he came again to the temple; all the people came to him, and he sat down and taught them. the scribes and the Pharisees brought a woman who had been caught in adultery, and placing her in their midst they said to him,

“Teacher, this woman has been caught in the act of adultery. Now in the law Moses commanded us to stone such. What do you say about her?” This they said to test him, that they might have some charge to bring against him. Jesus bent down and wrote with his finger on the ground.

And as they continued to ask him, he stood up and said to them, Let him who is without sin among you be the first to throw a stone at her.” And once more he bent down and wrote with his finger on the ground. But when they heard him they went away, one by one, beginning with the eldest, and Jesus was left alone with the woman standing before him. Jesus looked up and said to her, “Woman, where are they? Has no one condemned you?” She said, “No one, Lord.” And Jesus said, “Neither do I condemn you; go, and do not sin again.”


Why would Jesus say in Luke 23 that daughter’s Jerusalem should weep for themselves and their children, not for Jesus? Because Jesus understood when marriage began and that the women were committing adultery and covered in sin. Therefore, Mary Magdalene is in a cave; in Egypt, and locked out of the Promised Land. Jesus, looking down from Promised Land before his crucifixion, and Mary Magdalene underground in a cave. They are circling one another and never on the same plane of existence, standing face to face. One right side up and one upside down.


Luke 23: 28 – 31

But Jesus turning to them said, Daughters of Jerusalem, do not weep for me, but weep for yourselves and for your children. For behold, the days are coming when they will say, “Blessed are the barren, and the wombs that never bore, and the breasts that never nursed!” Then they will begin to say to the mountains, “Fall on us; and to the hills, “Cover us.” For if they do this when the wood is green, what will happen when the wood is dry?”


Cup of Suffering

for Evolution

If you look at these two different versions of the same passage in the gospel of John, you can see the evolution of humanity occurring.


In the first passage from the New American Bible, Mary of Magdala bent over into to the tomb – she bends down into the tomb and then turns around later, not recognizing Jesus. Mary Magdala does not ascend to “Heaven” reaching the Promised Land or the “temple” (dome) in her brain. She remains in Egypt. When you turn around on a flat plane or in Egypt, you are just spinning in circles or looking at your reflection. How does that song go? Climbed a mountain and I turned around to see my reflection………


John 20: 11-16, NAB

The Appearance to Mary of Magdala. But Mary stayed outside the tomb weeping. And as she wept, she bent over into the tomb and saw two angels in white sitting there, one at the head and one at the feet where the body of Jesus had been.

And they said to her,

“Woman, why are you weeping?” She said to them, “They have taken my Lord, and I don’t know where they laid him.” When she had said this, she turned around and saw Jesus there, but did not know it was Jesus. Jesus said to her, “Woman, why are you weeping? Whom are you looking for?” She thought it was the gardener and said to him, “Sir, if you carried him away, tell me where you laid him, and I will take him.” Jesus said to her, “Mary!” She turned and said to him in Hebrew, “Rabbouni,” which means Teacher.


In the Revised Standard Version of the Bible, “Woman” is evolving because now Mary Magdala stood outside the tomb to look in. Note that Mary does not bend down or get in the tomb now, but stands up and does not go back in. Also, Mary, instead of turning around to look at her reflection in the mirror, turns round clearly indicating that Mary has now left the cave, left Egypt, and has traveled to the Promised Land, entering God’s temple in her head. She now rises on top of time and looks down from above. She is no longer spinning in circles because she is alive in God’s Kingdom.


John 20:11-16, RSV

Jesus Appears to Mary Magdalene
But Mary stood weeping outside the tomb. As she wept, she bent over to look into the tomb; and she saw two angels in white, sitting where the body of Jesus had been lying, one at the head and the other at the feet. They said to her, ‘Woman, why are you weeping?’ She said to them, ‘They have taken away my Lord, and I do not know where they have laid him.’

When she had said this, she turned round and saw Jesus standing there, but she did not know that it was Jesus. Jesus said to her, ‘Woman, why are you weeping? For whom are you looking?’ Supposing him to be the gardener, she said to him, ‘Sir, if you have carried him away, tell me where you have laid him, and I will take him away.’ Jesus said to her, ‘Mary!’ She turned and said to him in Hebrew,[b] ‘Rabbouni!’ (which means Teacher).

Along my journey,

I have often felt I should belong to Jesus, and not need a human man at all (Or maybe no man at all). In recent years I sensed that I was hidden underground for safekeeping, and now it was my turn to suffer and do my job. The exact job description and requirements I was not privy.

But my eyes crossed a plaque that said, “God doesn’t call the qualified, He qualifies the called.” I quickly gathered my eternal suffering was meant to qualify me to do this job. I have been experiencing intermittent days of physical darkness, unusual weather patterns, and unnatural and terrifying occurrences for years now. These scary experiences were tucked in between periods of the peace of Jesus Christ, along with moments of calmness being surrounded and comforted by Heaven’s angels.

The predictions in the book of Revelation did not make me feel good,

but they certainly worked with my life experiences, I could easily fit the pieces of my life precisely into the puzzle I was building in Scripture from the Bible. People in my life indeed have abandoned me and stand at a distance, I have a babble knot in my brain that was discovered in 1999, and I am holding a Gold chalice in heaven when I meditate in the upper room of my mind.

The icing on the cake, which happens to be my favorite part:

Jesus Christ showed up and said he would fix me.

Jesus was showing up to fix me because my name was written in Heaven before time. Your name written in Heaven means your destined to suffer and drink a cup of suffering. I came down from above to pour out my love. I brace myself daily. Open scripture as a safeguard, then walk forward on an uncharted path. To the netherworld, I sink a tumultuous path. It seems too familiar. Have I been here before? I am confident I have, but it’s out of my grasp.

During the twenty-four-hour period before Easter Sunday, all the following happened to me. Some in my body, and some out of my body:

I sit on the top level of a large military bus with many stammering below. My kaki work coat on the floor, books scattered about, and notes sprawled everywhere. My mind is working hard piecing it all together, scribbling notes trying to write it all down. The bus driver hollers out, it’s the Buffalo stop, so I gather my stuff up and descend to get out. I head into the wilderness, to the great unknown, not knowing what’s ahead or even where I am.

I enter a large outdoor market in my oversize military coat; my father and brother are talking me through what’s coming next. I listen to them intently while others scammer around me hell-bent on distracting me from completing my assigned tasks. I continue to walk, and now I notice they are gone. My father and brother, I’m not sure where they are? My eyes open wide, to a sea full of men, and suddenly my radar is flying above. I walk cautiously forward, checking in just above, to determine the intent of the masses parting as I cross. I gather needed information and proceed out of the tent.

The tribe gathers around the fire, a herd of men and just me.

My father and brother are nowhere in sight. I sit at the top of the circle where the men all think they know best. So, I head to the quarry on my own for needed rest. I step in a small rowboat and lower myself to the bottom of the empty quarry using my powerful mind.

When I leave the quarry, I enter a cave and stand before a council to answer questions. There are five or six young girls off to the right covered in black clothes with black lace draped over their faces so you can’t see their smiles. A crowd of men off to the left are peering at me through the forest as I stand before the council. They are all smoking and awaiting my answer. And I, of course, push forward not willing to leave the girls covered in darkness.

Spirits spoke through others earlier today while I was in my body letting me know that I could stop drinking my cup and have a family with my beloved. They said I had done enough for this world. But I couldn’t leave the girls covered in darkness.

Everyone is mad; they need something from me.

Why won’t I deliver, when so much is required. People say I have secret powers which is news to me. How do I provide what they want, when I can’t organize what I’ve got? The pressure’s too much, the rules always changing, I refuse to move forward, with my life constantly changing. Ignored for so long, and now I’m the ONE? This life is bizarre; I wasn’t trying to be a star. Leave me alone; I think I would prefer to go home. My savior is gentle, and I’m acceptable as me. This world is not what I needed. My name is written in Heaven; why don’t I repent? – I would rather sit in sackcloth than play mindless games. Life is not a game; it’s meant to be lived. After all, that is the reason it was me who was sent. The greedy should not decide where anyone resides.

I ponder what surrounds me to make sure everything’s correct.

Luke 5:1- 11

Jesus Calls His First Disciples

One day as Jesus was standing by the Lake of Gennesaret, a the people were crowding around him and listening to the word of God. He saw at the water’s edge two boats, left there by the fishermen, who were washing their nets. He got into one of the boats, the one belonging to Simon, and asked him to put out a little from shore. Then he sat down and taught the people from the boat. When he had finished speaking, he said to Simon, “Put out into deep water, and let down the nets for a catch.” Simon answered, “Master, we’ve worked hard all night and haven’t caught anything. But because you say so, I will let down the nets.”

When they had done so, they caught such a large number of fish that their nets began to break. So they signaled their partners in the other boat to come and help them, and they came and filled both boats so full that they began to sink. When Simon Peter saw this, he fell at Jesus’ knees and said, “Go away from me, Lord; I am a sinful man!” For he and all his companions were astonished at the catch of fish they had taken, and so were James and John, the sons of Zebedee, Simon’s partners.

Then Jesus said to Simon,

“Don’t be afraid; from now on you will fish for people.” So they pulled their boats up on shore, left everything and followed him.


Photo by Jametlene Reskp on Unsplash