Change Your Mind
Is it possible to change your mind? Not only the way we think about something but also physiologically.
I would argue the answer to both of these questions is yes. In recent years, I have changed my mind about many things. I have literally felt my brain developing new pathways and my creativity and intelligence expanding. As this transpired, I also started to experience lucid dreams. Dreams that are so real that I am confident that they are latent memories from previous lifetimes. Yes, living more than once is a new belief; I changed my mind about that.
Change your heart?
I had a lucid dream seven or eight years ago, where a “father-figure” told me that he could change my mind but not my heart. And what he was talking about was my emotional heart or who I was eternally in love with. I was very disappointed because the person I believe myself to be eternally in love with has primarily offered me not much other than heartbreak, disappointments, and emotional trauma. I sincerely hate my love story. You can read about it in my memoir, The Kingdom Has Arrived if you are interested in my story and my tragic non-romance.
And why wouldn’t I want to? I talk about true love in my most recent book, A Step Back.
Change Your Heart!
I believe that true eternal love is kind. True love speaks the truth, not lies. And true love stays together. So I would like to change my “father-figure’s” mind about one’s ability to change one’s heart regarding who they love eternally.
If we can change our minds and our brains, then why not our hearts? Many studies show how the brain can be changed, and new pathways developed. Things like exercise, practicing a new skill, meditation, reading, debating, experimenting, and so on.
It crossed my mind one day that I should apply the experimental method used in science to see if I could change my heart. I want to fall madly in love with someone who loves me back kindly. You know, someone loyal who speaks the truth and adores me. I don’t want to feel like a second or third choice. Or be thrown away, heartbroken, and emotionally abused.
The Experimental Method
The experimental method is the manipulation of variables to determine cause and effect. I believe that when couples fall in love, there is a physiological connection. An increase in feel-good brain chemicals are released that make you feel happy, content, connected, and aroused. I will argue that finding this connection and building on it is the equivalent of going home.
The question is can a person have more than one home? More than one eternal true love during their existence?
I declare in the conclusion of my most recent book, A Step Back, the following:
"In conclusion, I decided to trade fantacity for sanity. I am selling the house I purchased, believing my soulmate would show up and help me make the house a home... I have decided to choose me and my sanity rather than wait for someone who only breaks promises, breaks my heart and makes me feel like seconds...leftovers."
Fantacity – v. When your faith in something or someone has held you caged so long that you are driven to insanity.
My plan is to write a book called,
The premise is that if I set parameters and go on a bunch of dates, I will eventually be able to retrain my emotional heart the same way one trains or retrains their brain to learn something new. I will fall in love with somebody entirely new!
Here’s the draft introduction to the book I am hoping to write:
“Being divorced in your fifties sucks. Wrinkles have invaded my face, and cellulite attached to my hips and ass when I wasn’t looking. Who looks at their backside daily? The wrinkles on my face and the wiry gray hairs on my head when I look in the mirror scare me. I turn away and dash to my closet to dress in the dark. Now divorced and in my mid-fifties, the prospect of dating horrifies me. It has taken me two years even to consider going on a date.
I do believe I am a rusty treasure. I used to be fun, witty, and relatively strategic at the dating game when I was young. Now, I am not sure what to expect. People dating in their fifties are either divorced, widowed, or have never been married.
Those divorced are either the dumpies or the dumper—regardless, you are in the dumpster being rescrambled. If you are fifty and were never married, I ponder why? I have to contemplate what the issue might be: commitment issues, quirks that drive potential partners away, or maybe you are a player. I would speculate that widowed individuals are the safest bet when dating in your fifties; they likely were loyal partners that kept their commitments till the end. (Yes, I just said that dating me is not the safest choice one could make).
For the last two years, I have immersed myself in self-rediscovery, if that’s a thing. After almost three decades with the same man while raising three sons, self-discovery is a necessary thing to do. I bought my own home, did some redecorating, a ton of gardening (I like playing in the dirt), traveled solo, bought a keyboard, took tennis back up, went skydiving, and unsuccessfully wrote and self-published the traumatic story of my life, in addition to four books of poetry.
Apparently, nobody wants to read the memoir of an “unknown” entity.
Maybe a book on the adventures of dating after decades in a cave will be of interest to someone. If I can get my body in shape, I may wear a batwoman costume on a date as part of the experiment or maybe just for entertainment’s sake. I’m too old to take myself seriously, so I plan on having as much fun as I possibly can as I embark on this dating experiment…
I have an outline of chapters and various strategies I plan to attempt in my experimental method of retraining my emotional heart to love somebody new. So far, I have gone on seven first dates. None met the initial physiological connection that is needed to move forward. This experiment is a work in progress.